LOLLL SPEEDY. i enjoyed that... you should tell your girlfriend that.. see what her reaction is

 

she'll agree with me lmao

 

lol she will be like... oh well i guess you run out of air then lmao

 

nopeeee... shes more into sex than i am.. haha.. thats the way it should be

 

Little Michael was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for awhile when he came into the house and asked her "Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth.

"It's called sexual intercourse", she replied.

Little Michael just said, "Oh, okay" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,"Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds! and Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!

 

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull ... But that's not the worst of it.

Myheadlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things upclose

My traction is not as graceful as it once was I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here'sthe worst of it --


Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter ....eithermy radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

 

LMAOOOOOOO

 

The bakery next door to where I work had its annual health department inspection one day last week. Ted, the owner, was raving to the inspector about the new journeyman baker he had just hired to work the afternoon shift. When he stepped into the baking area, the inspector was speechless. There was the new baker - a large, very fat man with no shirt on. As the inspector watched, the baker rolled ***** of dough in his hand and then slapped them loudly to his stomach, which flattened the dough and raised a design that was an imprint of his navel. The inspector blubbered, "What is he doing?", and Ted told him that this was the cookie assembly line and the cookies made this way have an interesting raised design that customers really like. "Good grief, man, I've never seen anything like that!", the inspector said and Ted replied, "Oh that's nothing, wait till you see how he makes donuts."

Rolomac

 

Time for a History Lesson!!



In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.

It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet,but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the processof fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.

Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM! Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.

After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.

Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T " , (Ship High In Transit) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I.

I had always thought it was a golf term.

 

LOLLLL